Taxes are a joke and the joke is on you..

I was making a speech on the Senate floor and I said, “Now, ladies and gentlemen, let me tax your memories,” And Kennedy jumped up and said, “Why haven’t we thought of that before?” (Bob Dole)
Medical research has now confirmed that marijuana use has definite medicinal properties for treatment of glaucoma and other illnesses. The IRS has now ruled that expenses of medicinal marijuana can be deducted as a medical expense, but only if you file a joint return.


If the Lord had meant us to pay income taxes, he’d have made us smart enough to prepare the return. Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution. (Woody Allen)


The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.


Isn’t it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool’s Day and ends with cries of ‘May Day!’ (Robert Knauerhase)


I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash.


This is the season of the year when we discover that we owe most of our success to Uncle Sam. (The Wall Street Journal)


What do women and tax forms have in common? Men love to cheat on them.


It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta. (Dave Barry)


There’s nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won’t cure. (Dan Bennett)


Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040? Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.


Our forefathers made one mistake. What they should have fought for was representation without taxation. (Fletcher Knebel)


The politician’s promises of yesterday are the taxes of today. (W. L. Mackenzie King)


Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. (Herman Wouk)


In the end, when you’re dealing with tax laws, the pigs get fatter and the hogs get slaughtered. (Gene Gavin)


Death and taxes are both certain . .. But death isn’t annual.


People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.


The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government. (Barry


M. Goldwater)


My uncle claims that if he files his income tax wrong he’ll go to jail, and if he files it right he’ll go to the poor house. (Nonnee Coan)


I have trouble reconciling my net income with my gross habits. (Errol Flynn)


When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin. (Mae West)


You’re acting like a thing from another tax bracket! (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)


It used to be that death and taxes alone were inevitable. Now there’s shipping and handling. (Bert Murray)


Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30 cents? (Peg Bracken)


There is a difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist — the taxidermist leaves the hide. (Mortimer Caplan)


I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat. (Sue Murphy)


Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. (Oscar Wilde)


Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss. (Robert Heinlein)


Where there’s a will, there’s an Inheritance Tax.


A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right.


On my income tax 1040 it says ‘Check this box if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. (Tom Lehrer)


There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer space program: your tax dollars will go farther. (Wernher Von Braun)


Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. (Herbert Hoover)


A dollar saved is bound to be taxed.


The tax collector must love poor people–he’s creating so many of them. (Bill Vaughan)


The thing generally raised on city land is taxes. (Charles Dudley Warner)

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